Is Everyone Having More Fun Than Me in Bed?

Sex FOMO is real. But are our expectations? Check out stats in women's sex lives and the attitudes of midlife satisfaction. 

 Is Everyone Having More Fun Than Me In Bed from Wile Libido for women over 40

With all the talk of polyamory, hookup culture and and it’s easy to wonder if everyone is having a lot more and a lot better sex than we are.

The good/bad news? Probably not.

Americans are having less sex than ever before - across every age range.

A recent study showed adolescents dropping the most.

A 2017 study showed the biggest decline in white, middle-aged, married couples.

Here’s a roundup of common questions that lets you see where your sex life falls on the average spectrum:

How often are married/long-term couples doing it? 

According to the 2018 General Social Survey

  • 25% had sex once a week

  • 16% had sex 2-3 times per week

  • 17% had sex once a month

  • 19% had sex two to three times per month

  • 10% hadn't had sex in the past year

  • 5% had sex four or more times per week

  • 7% had sex about once or twice in the past year

How often to men orgasm vs women?

Men orgasm 95% of the time, women 65% of the time. 

How long does “sex” usually last?

Median time is 5.4 minutes. Worth noting: Sex in most studies and conversations means heterosexual penetrative sex ending with a male orgasm. This is penis in vagina (often called p-in-v in the sexual wellness world, the more you know!).

How long does it take for a woman to orgasm?

Median time: 13.5 minutes

How long does foreplay typically last? 

Median time: 11 minutes 

(Hmmm.... read those last two questions again, do the math.) 

How many women orgasm from penetrative sex alone? 

About 30% 

How do many women orgasm? 

Within 21 minutes of foreplay, 90% of women orgasm

How about the lesbian experience?

The average sex session between women lasts 30-45 minutes with 20% reporting an hour or more.

The women orgasm 86% of the time. 

How happy are women with their sex lives?*

46% of women are NOT satisfied with their sex lives* - which means 54% are satisfied!

*today show poll, 2020

Are midlife women "settled" in their sex lives?

48% of women 45 and older want to mix it up with new or emerging sex trends

80% of women 45+ who aren’t having sex wish they were.

40% of midlife women want to be having more sex 

63% of America agrees with the statement, “My overall quality of life would improve if my sex life improved”

And yet... 

Midlife women don’t always care that much TBH 

A 2023 survey in the UK of 2,000 40-59, a third had not had sex in the past month. Less than half of them were unhappy with their sex lives.

The survey showed age and perimenopause was less of a factor than relationship, lifestyle, health with stress and daily pressures taking precedence. 

Name of the scientific paper? “We’re Just Tired”: Influence on Sexual Activity amont Male-Partnered Women in Midlife.

How can we increase libido in women?

So when the question is “How to increase libido in women?” Or “How to overcome a low sex drive in women?” The answer may be: We’re busy. SEND HELP.

Or “to increase libido in women, increase time for foreplay.”

Or “to increase libido in women, stop thinking of sex as just penetration.” 

And with all of the above, we humbly suggest Wile Libido tincture. Designed to help quiet the stressful thoughts and bring women back into our bodies with an increased sense of sensation, arousal and relaxation. 

Try that, more libido and a few less to-dos and who knows where these numbers might be in the next scientific study?



Twenge, Jean M., et al. Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, 1989–2014, 6 March 2017 Arch Sex Behav 

Wellings, K., et al. (2023) “We’re Just Tired”: Influences on Sexual Activity Among Male-Partnered Women in Midlife; A Mixed Method Study. The Journal of Sex Research.

The 2022 Sex Report: Hims 
The General Social Survey 

Photo credit: Danny G Unsplash 


This article is intended for informational purposes and is not intended to replace a one-on-one medical consultation with a professional. Wile, Inc researches and shares information and advice from our own research and advisors. We encourage every woman to research, ask questions and speak to a trusted health care professional to make her own best decisions.
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