Rediscovering our own pleasure, dismantling conditioning, lube & more

Reawakening Midlife Sexual Wellness

We were Foria customers even before Wile was born. So we were thrilled to speak with Kiana Reeves, a somatic sex educator, intimacy and relationship coach, doula and  Foria’s Chief Content Officer. 

Foria sets the standard in the sexual wellness space for clean, innovative, and highly effective formulas that enhance pleasure and sexual experience. 

Q: So much of the conversation around midlife sex is problem-focused. What are the most common areas of curiosity you hear from women about their sexual pleasure? 

A: We’re fortunate to have a very involved community of Foria fans who talk to us a lot. 
Midlife women are especially forthcoming, and we’re so grateful for their candor. (Caring less and less about what people think is one of the great gifts of midlife!) 
As for curiosities, so many people over 40 describe feeling like they’re in their sexual prime, and they want to address the changes in their body so that they can continue to enjoy the lovemaking they’re already having. This looks like:
  • continually finding new pleasure in their bodies
  • a renewed sense of adventure and sexual curiosity 
  • a strengthened connection with their partner or lover
  • an appreciation and deep connection with their own sexuality
  • a desire to learn more about how to support the natural changes they experience.

Q: And what about the most common concerns?

A: Our community’s needs have driven all of our product offerings as we’ve grown. They confide in us about midlife changes in their sexual response including:
  • fluctuations in libido and desire
  • less access to orgasm
  • painful sex or sex that doesn’t feel like it used to
  • less lubrication than they’re used to having
  • A sense of frustration that there are so many changes happening in their bodies that they weren’t prepared for. 

This might sound like a no-brainer, but a good, clean natural lube can be one of the most powerful tools in your sexy-midlife toolkit. Maybe you never needed it before – or maybe you needed it all along but never knew how important it is. There is no shame in getting a little help supporting your pleasure – plus, it’s fun.

Q: Our generation was conditioned to center male pleasure and sometimes even dismiss female agency. In midlife, some of us still carry this programming and its sexual scars with us. 

Do you find women de-priortize our own pleasure? 

A: Cultural conditioning has certainly trained us to decenter our own pleasure. That’s one of many factors that leads to the orgasm gap. Closing that gap is one of the main reasons why Foria exists in the first place. 
When Foria arrived on the scene, there were 26 pharmaceuticals available to enhance the male sexual experience, but none made for women. 
Effectively, women’s pleasure has been invisible except as a component of male gratification. Feeling invisible is scarring and traumatizing, especially when it comes to something as important as sexual intimacy.
In addition, our generation is under so much pressure socially, emotionally and economically, at work and at home. We have to do so much and carry so much weight, and at the end of the day, making time to delight in our sexuality can seem like just another chore! And even “self-care” can seem like a task sometimes. 
To break the pattern that emphasizes doing, performing, and being on-task day after day, we recommend… drumroll please…. doing NOTHING. Slowing down, being lazy with no apologies, and treating your vibrant sexuality as an oasis to luxuriate in. It belongs to you!
Pleasure the lazy way means taking all the time you need to move out of your "thinking mind" and into the intelligence of your body. Think of this as an invitation to stay in bed all Sunday morning with permission to slow down completely. 
(Wile editor’s note: for us, that Sunday morning may be 30 minutes but, we’ll take it! Pleasure not perfection!) 

Q: Any tips on getting more in touch with our own pleasure?

A: Touch your whole body without a goal – exploring your thighs, belly, breasts, neck, behind your knees, butt etc – not just your genitals. 
You could stay increasingly curious by asking yourself questions like "what would feel good to me now?" or "what kind of touch do I want to explore next?", or just roll around and let your sensations guide you.

Q: Many women tell us their desire for sex has diminished. Hormones are part of the story, but likely not all. Sometimes even a vibrator can feel like more work! And masturbation can get just as routined as anything else. What are some ways we can engage in our pleasure potential to get more excited to get excited when we feel too busy or disinterested?

A: Any routine can become exhausting after a while, even if it’s supposed to be about pleasure. 
Also, many of us established our sex and masturbation routines when our hormonal makeup was a lot different!
When our bodies are changing and we’re growing up as we should, we often just need more things or different things to get turned on. Grabbing that vibe might even feel like work because you need more time these days. 
If what always worked for you isn’t working anymore, that might be your body and mind telling you to create a new routine. Take that as an invitation to see how your capacity for pleasure is evolving.
As for specific tips, try changing positions – if you’re used to masturbating on your back or your stomach, for instance, maybe try kneeling or moving your hips around in circles. It’s also great not to go straight for the genitals – so incorporating lots of touch all over your body with the intention of pleasurable sensation is a great way to start finding new ways you like to be touched.
Lastly – getting away from goal-oriented sex, solo or with a partner, can mean not focusing on the climax. It truly is about the journey and not the destination, getting more familiar with and comfortable in your own skin. 

Q: Foria has always been a ground-breaking brand with a vision for women’s pleasure and sexual wellness. How do you define your vision these days? 
A: “Ground-breaking” is a great choice of words, considering that we see ourselves as rooted in the natural world above all else. Of course we never want to break the literal ground; we want to heal it! We view Mother Nature and human wellbeing as intimately connected, and sexual pleasure is essential to wellbeing in general. All those things are closely intertwined.
So you could say that Foria “broke ground” like a plant’s roots would. We grew like a plant, in an organic way, from the seed of our mission – to help you have really great sex and more of it, by designing life-changing, all-natural, organic formulas that meet real intimate needs across the lifespan, from menstruation to menopause and beyond.
For the last 10 years we've been very pleasure-and-period-focused. As our clarity and vision continue to expand, we’re really focusing on those moments that are crucial for your wellbeing, change you forever, and are essential and natural stages - yet historically have gotten very little attention, like menopause.
We’re proud to say that we’ve always kept to our core values, supporting pleasure, connection and wellbeing with deep love for the plants and the earth. These days we’re refining and expanding our collections to include more CBD-free formulas for people who might not be able to access our bestsellers like the original Awaken Arousal Oil, and we’re also designing a new collection of formulas to support both menopause and what y’all at Wile wisely call “the shift” that happens before. 

Thank you Kiana! 

Image credit: FORIA


This article is intended for informational purposes and is not intended to replace a one-on-one medical consultation with a professional. Wile, Inc researches and shares information and advice from our own research and advisors. We encourage every woman to research, ask questions and speak to a trusted health care professional to make her own best decisions.
Previous Next


Keep calm and read on